I've been reading The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Like the scriptures it has had a profound and transformational impact on me because it is based on true principles. It has increased in me my desire to reverse bad habits that are deeply rooted in my character. There is hope. I can change. So can you. If we aren't striving to repent and mend our ways then what are we here for anyway.
I do want to share some insights that I've gleaned from this book.
The first habit is to be proactive. We need to work within our circle of influence rather than our circle of concern. We need to be more solution oriented, less problem oriented. By taking responsibility for the things within our direct control and by giving no heed to those things that are not we become more proactive.
Here is an example from my own life.
Madelyn was born and my world changed. I was ill-prepared for the strong emotions that I would feel and the postpartum baby blues that set in. Lack of sleep also took it's toll, which was out of my direct control. It was not only difficult for me, but for Chase. He struggled to adjust to a new member of the family acted out in negative ways to cope with feelings of jealousy and stress. It was painful to watch. I took all of that guilt upon myself and was distraught.
Once Madelyn and I started sleeping through the night, I started eating right, and exercising. I changed. I no longer harbored guilt caused by someone else's actions, even those of my son. I took responsibility for helping Chase deal with those feelings of jealousy and stress in a loving manner. I made deposits in his emotional bank account and disciplined out of love when necessary. Moral: when I started taking care of myself I liberated myself and was better able to serve others. My sense of self-worth was no longer being derived from someone else.
Let me switch tracks to other harmful behaviors: blaming, criticizing, and fault-finding. These characteristics rarely inspire change, and if they do they often damage relationships in the process.
Occasionally Steve comes home late from work. It is out of his control, yet sometimes I blame him. It is damaging to our relationship. The other day I decided to try a more loving approach. When he came home late I said something similar to "Wow, it's late. You must have had a long hard day." His response was "I really wish I could have been home so I didn't miss out on..." By showing empathy he sensed that I cared and he responded positively. Before we speak we should ask ourselves whether our words will inspire or hinder change and progress.
My proposition would be to be proactive in changing things within our circle of influence, to take care of ourselves, and to build on each other's strengths and not tear each other down. And to look both ways before you cross the street.
I hope you enjoy the book or enjoy a refresher if you have already read it. I know I will reread it often.
